Vista Redux

by davidnielsen

Last weekend I did something terrible in the name of love, something I would rank as the second most painful experience in my life. Just to iterate, things I have had done which are less painful than this would include accidentally stepping on a rusty 9″ nail which went all through my foot, cutting off a rather large part of my thumb and having a pre-med moron attempt a lumbar puncture but missing 3 times which following additional poor advice from the same idiot on recovery left me unable to stand up for 5 days. At this point dear reader you might be wondering just what kind of moron I am and to be honest it beats me as well, you might also be wondering just what horrible act I performed.. that however I can answer, I installed Vista.

Yes, that’s right, Vista, a friend of mine works for Microsoft so he provided a trial copy of Vista Ultimate. I wanted to get proper msn support and have a working webcam so to aid in the process of having a long distance relationship. I thought Vista couldn’t possibly be so bad, after all it has been 10 years since I used Windows on any of my own machines and as horrible as my experience was with Vista RC2 was I hoped they improved on the situation. This however turned out to be a wrong assessment on my part.

Vista has to be the reason Linux is such a big success in retail, this is a Core 2 Duo with a gig of ram and not only was the security situation even worse popping up every few minutes asking for permission using the same arbitrary paths as in RC2 but it took a full 3 minutes to start up. Using the official msn client itself is an experience which makes you remember how fortunate you are that Fedora is available free of charge, the UI itself is filled with icons without any kind of explanation as to what they are intended to do and to make matters worse… they put ads directly in the damn thing. Give me Empathy any day please. At this point I made the mistake of attempting to get online… using Internet Explorer, which for some reason thinks it’s a good idea to constantly alert me of it’s features such as pop up blocking and tabs thus interupting my Google Reader experience. After about 30 mins of this I was literally yearning for Firefox (when Firefox seems like liberation, you know it’s bad).

At this point I still had no webcam, no sound and the nvidia card in my laptop still rated a 1 on the Vista performance scale as the driver decided to not work. We are now about 3 hours into the Vista experience and I already feel like I have been sharing a cell with a lonely well hung dude named Bubba for the past 6 months. Worse still is that the experience is still resembling running the New York marathon submersed in molasses and I’m getting rather frustrated with the whole thing.

I think they call it Windows on account of it inducing you with the strong urge to throw your laptop through one. Honestly if I had to pick between using Vista ever again or having my spine mauled by a trainee doctor again.. I’d pick the latter. After an evening on Vista and still not having accompliced the goal of easing my long distance relationship, I fetched the Fedora 8 DVD and never looked back.

Now comes the question, with some of the smartest people in the world on their staff, near endless funding and 5 years of development dedicated to Vista.. How did Microsoft manage to fuck this one up so badly? More over Vista has been out around a year by now, you’d think they got the worst post release bugs hammered out but instead they only seem to have managed to make things even worse.

Dear Microsoft, you gave us wonderful technology like .NET, I had good experiences in the past using Visual Studio, how dare you call Vista the Wow experience? Ow! my balls seem to be more fitting. I think it’s time you apologize to mankind for this, even if the utter failure you unleashed is extremely helpful in advocating Linux, I would like to win because Fedora is superior technology (which it still is, but beating Vista is like stealing candy from babies) not because you decide you stop trying. Please be good sports and give us some competition, it would be so much of satisfying handing your ass to you if you truly gave it your all and I know you can do better than this.