Not again…

by davidnielsen

Lots and lots of typing answering mails, I feel that anyone who took the time to congratulate me on the pledge reaching it’s goal deserves a reply and not just one of those standard automated ones. Keyboard is suffering, fingers hurt but I’m finally ontop of the pile of incoming mail again.

Did an interview with Linux Action Show! on the pledge with a splash of Fedora added in for good measure. Due to the time difference It was done largely from 2am to 3am. Chris and Brian are great guys, very friendly but they did tend to push me forward which was both good and bad. It meant the interview was not hours long which given the hour of day served everyone best but it also meant that I feel I left a lot of information out and did not get into as much detail as I might have liked and that maybe some opinions and details not having gotten the attention they deserve. Regardless the episode will be out on Sunday for those who might like to listen in.

It’s now 7.30am and I still have not been able to sleep, my brain is being flooded with patterns, I think the stress the last few days and the mount of work I have knowingly put off like writing up the Love day proposal for Will Woods has push me over the edge. I’ve not taken any medication for over a year now and have largely been doing fine but I’m loosing control again. I can remember fragments of conversations but not who I had them with, everything seems to have patterns in it’s randomness which attracts my brain. I know from experience the next step is starting to hear things, random noises will start making familiar voices – not in the sense that I hear voices that tell me to do things, after a bit of concentration I will get fully aware that there is indeed no voice and be able to tell what gave me the idea but till that happens they seem entirely real. Can’t sleep, can’t stop the tics, can’t stop my mind from being flooded with information even when I close my eyes. Still 3 months till my next appointment with my specialist and yet another string of medications which might work, might do nothing or might do undesirable things. I can’t remember feeling this bad in over a year.